Writing How-To: Random writing.

Sometimes our creativity...hits a wall. Whether you want to call it writers block or mental constipation or what, sometimes an outside source can jumpstart you.

Below are a few fun random word and phrase generators for your perusal. Some pull up real words, some make up new ones. Have fun! Try using them for a title or an idea or inspiring a rapid-fire quick writing blitz to refresh your mind. Here's another hint - use random pictures and create a quick 500 word story off the top of your head about the image.

http://watchout4snakes.com/CreativityTools/Main/Main.aspx
http://www.fourteenminutes.com/fun/words/
http://www.nexi.com/fun/rw/index.html
http://www.wordconstructor.com/
http://www.gammadyne.com/rndword.htm
http://www.brainstorming.co.uk/onlinetools/websoftware.html

Big Bhudda Binge and Woodchipper Woot!

Yeah, like THAT title made sense. Following up my post of last week where I lamented that I only had two of the smiling Bhuddas out of what turned out to be a set of six, I returned to the store with BFF the next day and nearly freaked out when I found out they didn't HAVE the complete set of six in the larger ones. But they had little tiny ones (cheaper, too) and...

*sob!* I lined the cute little tiny smiling Bhuddas up on my palm...only FIVE!!!

ARGH!!!

So I walked over to the salesclerk and said, "I don't suppose you have more?"

She smiled. "I have a brand new set in the back, in the box."

WOOT!!

BFF laughed. "Now you can quit freaking out about the set. But won't that still bug you?"

Okay, so I'm a little on the OCD side. Unfortunately, it wasn't the obsessive cleaning tic.

Damn.

I like things "even." I also compulsively check door locks and coffee pots. (Which annoys my son to no end, the running joke is everyone cheers if we get out of the driveway on the FIRST attempt.)

Nope, because the two big ones are now "bookends." They match. And...I picked up a "money frog" (who came with his own Chinese coin) to balance out Ganesh. So I now have (left to right, I need to get a picture of this) Big Bhudda, Money Frog, six little Bhuddas, Ganesh, and Big Bhudda.

*ahhhhhh!* That's the sound of the universe coming back into alignment. I also picked up a set of baoding (?) balls (Chinese medicine balls) and man are those things tricky, but addictive. I'm hoping working with them will help the arthritis in my hands. I found a video of a guy who is wicked fast with them.

Also, lately, BFF hasn't had good luck in love. She's in the middle of a divorce, and I've been joking with her that I need a good woodchipper for body disposal to make gator chum for the canal out back. (Hey, they joke about it on Dexter!) I joke about the joys of woodchippers so much that she joked I needed a mini one to go with my Bhuddas and my other two statues (which I also need pics of), one of which says, "The voices in my head don't like you," and the other says, "I live in my own little world. That's okay, they know me here."

Tonight, SCORE! I found a hobby site with miniature woodchippers! (How many bodies can a writer chip if a writer could chip bodies...hmmm, doesn't have quite the same ring...) I ordered one in red and one in yellow. They had blue in the picture but not listed on the site.

Is that weird? *LOL!*

Don't answer that.

I also have two of those mini traffic cones. One says, "Do not disturb, I'm disturbed enough already." The other says, "Give me coffee and nobody gets hurt." I also have a stuffed Elvis Stich (from Lilo and Stitch) on one of my computer monitors. And a stuffed lizzard from Animal Kingdom.

Hey, it's my desk, I like it. If nothing else, it reminds my hubby to bring home really dark chocolate at that time of the month to keep the monster content! *LOL*

Writing How-To: A little hashed phrase to go with the word salad...

Anchors away for our next topic!

Um, no, not really. "Aweigh" is correct, however. This hint goes well with the word salad post from last week. See, the English language is a hair-rippingly funny beast. The bastardized, red-headed step-child of many different languages, it causes quite a bit of confusion. And that's just for those of us who grew up natively speaking it! Imagine the frustration of those learning it as a second language!

For all intensive purposes, it's silly to make the language the escape goat when it's the people abusing it...

(*grin* Yes, there are two mangles in that previous sentence.)

Some people could care less... NERTZ! I mean, they COULDN'T care less if they misuse words and phrases. But let's face it, writers should appear to have a better than average grasp on their BIGGEST TOOL...

*Get yer minds out of da gutter!*

I mean WORDS. Words are your biggest tool. You'd run screaming if you caught your surgeon cleaning under his fingernails with the scalpel he was about to use on you, right? Okay, a little extreme, I know, but shouldn't writers take care to use their tools properly? This also applies to editors.

Another problem with these mangled phrases, a problem many writers fail to recognize, is the cliche factor. They've been used, abused, misused, recycled, rode hard and put away wet - you get the picture. It's time to stop using them as an easy crutch. This doesn't mean going ga-ga for making up your own unknown cliche replacements or avoiding them in all circumstances. It means using your tools effectively.

It's easy to say a character is "madder than a wet hen." It's also cliched to hell and back.

How about if you say something like:

"I hate you!" She threw down her dishtowel and yanked the kitchen door open so hard it flew against the wall before bouncing back into her.

That paints an accurate and even slightly funny picture, depending on what else follows.

Yet another reason to know your words well - malaproprisms. (No, a little blue pill won't cure you of those.) "I resemble that remark." God love Curly Howard, that's one of my favorite quotes of all times. Tony Soprano spouted quite a few in his day, as did Archie Bunker.

Don't get me wrong, well-used, intentional malaprops can be hysterically funny, especially if delivered dead-pan. But unintentional use can leave you looking like...well, one of our recent former presidents.

Ninety percent of writing is, after all, half mental. (Apologies to Yogi Bera.)

Befriend your tools, get to know them well. This is another reason it is so important for writers to have reliable critique partners or beta readers to look over their work, another set of eyes to help them nail these little boogers and remove them from a manuscript.

Here are a few helpful resouces for you:

http://www.all-about-spelling.com/list-of-homophones.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homophone
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malapropism
http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/index.html
http://matthom.com/archive/2008/02/19/commonly-misused-phrases-and-cliches
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_commonly_misused_English_words

Stay tuned for our next writing how-to topic!

Writing How-To: He said WHAT?

Continuing the writing how-to series, another frequent issue that crops up, especially in romance/erotica novels -- guys speaking unnaturally.

"You little minx."

Now, honestly. When have you EVER heard a modern guy call a woman a "little minx?" I'm not talking a period/historical (although in those I think it's overused too). Or a hellcat, spitfire, wildcat, or any other kind of animal other than a b*tch?

Seriously. Think about it.

One of my pet peeves is reading a story where the guy, especially if he's a hulking, hunky Alpha guy, starts talking in a way I've never in my life ever heard a real guy speak.

I read one contemporary story where the Alpha dude used the word "frippery" in conversation.

Really??? No, seriously?

I would have hurled the book against the wall except it was an e-book I was reading on my BlackBerry and didn't want to break it. (I guess that is one benefit to "real" books, you can throw them.)

When caught up in the throes of writing a story, there is a tendency to write like a romance writer instead of writing what a real character would say. Do us all a favor and write REAL. Forget purple prose, don't even go a faint shade of lavender, and especially when writing male dialogue. Have your guys talk like REAL guys, not romance novel guys.

Also, I cringe when I read a book where the guy is talking non-stop throughout the love scenes, basically narrating what he's going to do. Here's a hint: switch to internal dialog or use a narrative description. If my husband talked as much during making love as some romance book heroes talk, I'd duct tape his mouth shut.

Here there be dragons...

Yes, I know, new blog header. I love dragons. Love love luuurrrrvvv them. I went to a local shop the other day with BFF because I'd won a drawing for a "body bag" (turns out no, it wasn't a body bag, it was a bag full of bath and body supplies) and ended up with not one, but TWO new pieces of dragon bling. One's an amulet, one's a dragon figurine holding a crystal. I have a dragon statue I've had for over twenty years gracing my shelf, my good luck buddy. When I got home last night, I went in search of something and found not one, not two, but THREE dragon amulets I'd totally forgotten I had. WOOT! They're now on my windowsill next to my table.

I also picked up a cute Ganesh statue (see picture) and two smiling Buddhas. Well, I get home, realize they're part of a set of SIX Buddhas. Fricking hell! *LOL* (I'm sure that's probably not the reaction I should have, but oh well.) So today I'm heading back to the shop to get the other four.

Yes, I'm a twinge OCD. *LOL* It bugs me to no end I don't have the other four Buddhas now. Grr! Those stones on the windowsill aren't even all that I have, I should put the others out. This is the window I look out every day while I work, faces south, points at the canal in my backyard and the huge oak tree where squirrels and birds play, and is a fantastically creative view for me.

I love dragons, that's why my "alter ego" Tymber Dalton wrote "Boiling Point," that came out in the Tasty Treats Vol. 3 anthology. Dragon shifters...yum! I'm working on another story involving the Alexandr dragon shifter boys now, that will appear in another Siren-BookStrand anthology.

Writing How-To: Can I get ranch dressing on my word salad?

Continuing the writer how-to series, our next quickie topic: word salad.

That's probably not the best term, because there is a condition called word salad, but for the purposes of this tip it's the phrase I'll use.

Here's how you prevent this condition (and yes, I am screaming):

DO NOT RELY ON YOUR SPELLCHECK FEATURE! IN FACT, TURN OFF YOUR SPELLCHECK FEATURE!

I read a book in the past couple of weeks - yes, it was from a well-known romance publisher - where the heroine "shuttered." As in, she shook in fear.

The sad thing is, this made it through the author's self-editing process as well as an editor.

(*buzzer* Sorry, we have a nice consolation prize for you. The correct word is "shuddered.")

Even sadder, this was NOT the only instance of this kind of problem, and while the story was good, I doubt I'll buy any other books by this author or this publisher in the near future because frequent editing errors kept pulling me out of the story.

There are a lot of words that sound alike and are commonly misused/swapped. Sometimes this is accidental due to the writer typing so fast (holding up my hand) that their brain doesn't correctly signal to the fingers which version to use. Sometimes this is accidental due to a less than stellar grasp of the language and over-reliance on a spellchecker. Sometimes this is due to sheer sloppiness and failure to self-edit. It doesn't matter what the cause - letting errors like this make it through to a final, production copy is flat-out wrong.

Common offenders: it's/its, their/there/they're, two/to/too, through/threw/thru, by/buy, who's/whose, accept/except, than/then, affect/effect (that one STILL bothers me and makes me drag out a grammar handbook, so much so I'll frequently rewrite the sentence to avoid it entirely), toward (NOT towards), all right (NOT alright)

Another common offender: apostrophe-s used as a plural instead of a possessive (three dog's instead of three dogs)

So turn off your spellchecker and print out your manuscript and use that red pen well and often.

Here are some great resources for you:

http://wsuonline.weber.edu/wrh/words.htm
http://www.wsu.edu:8080/~brians/errors/index.html
http://www.noslang.com/spelling.php
http://helptutorservices.com/blog/the-32-most-commonly-misused-words-and-phrases/
http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/

(Stay tuned for our next tip: heroes speaking badly.)

Moonfaker.

I was mightily surprised to find out today, on this 40th anniversary of the moon landing, that there are some braniacs out there who honestly believe the moon landing was a hoax.

Really? I guess these people turn themselves inside out trying to disprove we ever made it. I'm not sure why they do, but they do.

Mythbusters (I love this show) did an episode tonight on disproving the conspiracy theories. Pretty interesting stuff. Don't know how I missed all the hub-bub all these years. I mean, it seems like I did hear about that at one point, but I didn't seriously think there were flat-earthers out there who seriously believed their own horse-hockey.

I'm wondering if there's a story in that somewhere. What happens when the fake-moon-landing theorists are proven wrong, do they switch to the 2012 Mayan apocalypse malarky? Were they sucked in by Y2k too?

I have enough real-life concerns to worry about without making stuff up to worry about as well.

(And for those of you wondering, yes, I do love James Bond. *LOL*)

Writing How-To: Characters Behaving Badly

(Before I kick off the first in my writing how-to series, I wanted to put out a shameless self-promotion plug for my new book, "Good Will Ghost Hunting: Hell's Bells," book 2 in the series. It's available starting today from Lyrical Press. Woot!)

I've been wanting to put out a series of quick writing tips and have finally gotten off my patookie to jot some of them down on... um... paper, so to speak. New writers frequently ask me questions and I'm always happy to answer. (And feel free to email me with any you have - click on the leslirichardson.com link in the sidebar and use the Contact form there.)

Characters. Ah, yes, the bane of any writer's existence. Sometimes they just will NOT behave! Or they behave badly. Or they... (fill in the blank).

Here's the problem - you cannot jam a character into a pre-set mold that you've extensively outlined. If you really want to write realistic characters, you have to set your "mileposts" in your story and trust your characters to get you where you want to go. Sometimes they'll detour, but as a writer, sometimes you have to trust they know where they're going even if you don't.

Note: this is not the same as having a detailed character outline, if you're a writer that needs to use such a tool. I'm talking plot outlines at this point.

Have you ever read a story where the characters suddenly seemed to lose their brains and behave in ways totally contrary not just to how they "should" behave inside their constructed universe, but contrary to how they should logically behave based upon their established character (and even based upon "real life")? That's a clear sign of author interference. And I'm not talking a situation where you WISHED they'd done something different, but a situation where up until that point in the story they acted one way, then it's like they were forced by the story to behave...weird.

As an author, your job is to stay the heck out of the characters' way and let them tell the reader the story. Your job is to record the story. When your fingerprints are all over the story, it means you didn't let the characters do THEIR job.

The few times I've gotten totally blocked when writing it was because the characters clearly wanted to go in a different direction than I'd originally planned for them to go, and I was trying to convince them otherwise. Once I let go of the story and let the characters take over again, all was right in their fictional world.

So sometimes, even though they're not "real," your characters DO know best.

(The next tip: Word Salad! Bookmark my blog, sign up to follow, or subscribe to the feed to get the latest updates as they're published.)

Writing How-To Series

Because I've gotten lazy and reeeallly need to blog more, and because I like to answer questions, I'm starting a new "how-to" writing series on this blog. Starting tomorrow, I'll post the first topic. You can click on the post label "writing how-to series" and it'll bring up all the posts as they're...um...posted. (You can also follow the blog, and/or subscribe to the RSS feed, both those features are located in the sidebar.)

Feel free to email me at me AT leslirichardson.com (remove the spaces and stick a @ in there) or you can use the contact form on my website if you have any writing-related questions/topics you'd like to see addressed. I'll tackle everything from grammar to submissions-related questions, and if you're a reader and want to ask me questions about the writing process, feel free to jump in! Comments and questions always welcomed.

How "real" do you like it?

I know, it's been a while since I've written. Been swamped in a good way! And on Monday, July 20th, "Hell's Bells," the second book in the Good Will Ghost Hunting series, is coming from Lyrical Press.

Today's question is pitched out to readers and writers alike, because I'm interested in hearing from both sides of the fence on this one. It's inspired by a couple of things: one, a posting on a bulletin board I haunt on occasion, and two, by two recent reviews I just received. (Good ones, thank god!)

Those of you who are familiar with my "alter ego," Tymber Dalton, know that Tymber's writings are much more intense not just erotically, but emotionally in many ways. Especially the BDSM genre writing. Now, I pride myself not just on researching a story to the best of my ability (when it's based on real-life issues/situations) but writing what is dictated by the characters, not just plotting an outline and shoving my characters into it. One writer posted that they only focus on the "darker" (meaning negative) aspects of BDSM because they couldn't imagine why someone would willingly be in the lifestyle. At least, that's the impression I got after reading their post several times and then closing my gaping jaw.

The two reviews I (I mean Tymber) just received for "Domme by Default" (Lyrical Press) were amazing, talking about how realistic the characters were, how emotional the stories were, et cetera.

I mean, I know some writers who write BDSM erotica aren't into the lifestyle at all, and that's fine, there's nothing wrong with that (as long as they aren't erroneously portraying the lifestyle in a negative way). I do know a few erotica writers who are into the lifestyle, and some who aren't, but they're friends with people who are and do extensive research. And the way they write shows that veracity of emotion you don't normally see in what I've dubbed "fluffy bunny BDSM" stories where an Alpha hero spanks the heorine and it's called BDSM.

As a writer, I would be totally embarrassed if I didn't research, talk to people, learn as much as I reasonably could about a topic, have a manuscript vetted by experts in the field, on and on. As a reader, I want to trust that -- yes, EVEN in erotica -- a writer has done their fieldwork to the best of their ability and didn't just spend five minutes on Wikipedia.

Maybe I'm making too big a deal about this, but to me it's a matter of pride that if I'm writing about a submissive or Dominant's journey through a serious life issue, I want to make sure I have my story as real as it can be. Again, donning the reader's hat, I don't want to stumble across something that yanks me out of the story and proves to me the writer doesn't know their ass from their hat and have totally flown by the seat of their pants hoping no one would notice. (I've dubbed this the, "write more sex and they'll forget I flubbed it" syndrome.) It doesn't do a writer any good to pull me into a fantasy world if they drop me on my head in the middle of the story and make me scream WTF??? when I stumble across proof that they were too lazy (or maybe too embarrassed?) to do good research and preparation.

It also bothers me that a writer would use a story that erroneously portrays a lifestyle simply because of their own prejudices. Yes, it's fiction, I get that. But to me as a reader, I feel that's a breach of trust. I don't do that to my readers, I let them draw their own conclusions. There's a major difference between skewing in favor of a particular point of view and total blatant misrepresentation, in my opinion.

So readers, how much reality DO you want? Do you simply want a good yarn, or do you care if the writer flubs it on occasion? Writers, have you ever been guilty of "MSU" (making sh*t up) because you didn't do the research? And on the flip side, what do you do to research the more difficult stories you don't have any experience with? (I'm not talking vampires and outer space stories, although feel free to talk about that too.)

I'd love to hear from both sides of the fence on this. Feel free to chime in!