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Writing How-To: Avoiding Head Hopping POVs

Saturday, December 26, 2009
Well, yesterday I did something I don't get as much time to do lately as I'd like. I sat and finished reading a book.

Unfortunately, this book was an older romance (published in the early '90's). I ordered it and the sequel from Paperbackswap.com because the sequel had been talked about on an Amazon.com discussion board and caught my interest, and when I looked it up, I found it had a prequel so I got that too.

I'm almost afraid to read the sequel.

The book (no, I'm not going to tell you the title or the author) is a historical set in England and involves pirates. (That narrows it down to about a bazillion books.) And while the story was okay, the characters okay, one thing that slammed home within the first ten pages was head-hopping.

I'm not talking every once in a while, I'm talking all the time. Including dropping into the heads of MINOR characters for just a sentence or two.

I'm guessing the author wanted to write this book in third-person omniscient, and while yes, that IS a valid POV approach, the way they went about it, especially for a romance, totally pulled me out of the story time and again and was executed so poorly I spent a lot of time trying to figure out who the heck's POV I was in.

It was both a lesson in patience and writing for me. I've seen poorly-executed POV shifts before. This...this was just flat-out BAD. Now, I don't know if romances published in this time period had a lot of that, or if this was just a particularly bad example, but jeez Louise, give me a break.

Here's how NOT to execute a POV shift, especially in a romance:
  1. Don't shift multiple times on the SAME PAGE. (Only one or two shifts PER SCENE, and limit them to major characters.)
  2. Don't flip into a minor character's POV for a paragraph or two when it's not integral to the story. (Most of the time, it's not integral to the story.)
  3. Don't make your reader work to try to figure out whose POV they're in. (I cover this shortly.)
  4. Don't give every character their own POV. (See point #2.)
I mean, it was baaaaad.

Limit your POV shifts to the main characters, and only once or twice during a scene. In a romance, that is your hero, heroine, if it's a menage/multiple story then other lovers in the story can have a POV, and if there is one, the antagonist can have a POV. Sometimes minor characters can have their own POV, but ONLY if the scene they're in is one in which they are the pivotal character IN that scene.

For example, in my Tymber Dalton book, "Love Slave for Two: Family Matters," Tommy's mother, Peggy Kinsey, gets several scenes in her POV because she is the lynch pin in those scenes. Nevvie (the heroine) actually takes a backseat to her mother-in-law because of the events. That was a perfectly acceptable use of that POV. There are other scenes where she (Peggy) is in the scene, but I never flip to her POV because it's not necessary.

When you flip to a different POV, CLEARLY indicate that's what you're doing. One of the easiest ways to do this is the following example yanked from my brain:
(Long scene in hero's POV, ending in the following...) He walked over to the TV and angrily turned it off. "I want to talk to you about this." Sue looked scared. Good. He wanted her fear now, because maybe it would mean she would actually listen to him for once.

Sue watched as he turned off the TV and turned to her. She'd never seen him look so angry before. I wonder if he's going to yell at me, she thought. "What's wrong?" she asked him.

Again, that's an out of my butt example. But you can see where when I flipped to the heroine's POV, I clearly indicated it by identifying her immediately by name and by showing an observation from her point of view, followed by a thought, followed by her dialog. Now, I didn't have to have all three of those things, of course, but the key was I immediately identified her and an observation clearly attributed to her, that only she could make, so I anchored the reader in her POV. It is patently obvious we are now in the heroine's POV. And if I was to continue the example, there I would stay for a while. I would NOT immediately flip back to his POV in a paragraph or two.

Another technique for a seamless POV shift is the character whose POV we were in leaves the room or falls asleep and another character takes over. This is effective when you had three or more people in the room and need to flip to a third POV. Then you can avoid a scene break (if the scene hasn't ended).

In a romance, especially during romantic scenes, it's very tempting to flip back and forth in POV during love scenes. I know, because I used to want to do it a lot. But there is a fine line between head hops and legitimate POV shifts, and the more I write, the more I'm finding ways to avoid them so I don't have readers wanting to toss a book. *LOL* I actually approach writing differently now than I used to simply to avoid unnecessary POV shifts. There are a lot of houses now who will not accept ANY POV shift within a scene simply because so many people cannot properly execute POV shifts without it becoming head hopping.

So pay attention to your POV and save yourself agonizing choices later during edits. While writing, anchor yourself as the writer in one character's POV and remember you cannot write something that character doesn't personally think, observe, or say. So if you're writing from the heroine's POV, you cannot write that the hero thinks something while in her POV.

Some POV slips can be taken care of by exchanging an internal thought or observation into spoken dialog. This is an easy fix for many things. Or you can say the other character "seemed" to ______ or "apparently" _______. That would convert it to an observation the other character could make, preserving POV.

Happy Writing!

Tis the Season to Fight the Humbugs

Thursday, December 24, 2009
(No, the bulldog isn't our bulldog, Bubbles, but I loved this pic.)

I can sympathize. I know how he feels. I'm trying to stay in the holiday mood. I'm reeeealllly trying despite events of the past week. I've manged not to bark out "bah, humbug" yet.

I'm ready for this year to be over. I was doing pretty darn well until our twelve year-old female black Lab, Holly, had a lumpectomy last Tuesday. The next day, she developed internal bleeding that evening and our vet (thank the Goddess for her!) did emergency surgery. Because it was at night, she couldn't get any of her staff, so I assisted. (I worked in a vet clinic in high school.)

The next day, Thursday, I went to have my oil changed, then back home. When I went back outside to get in my Element to go visit Holly at the vet's, my passenger window was down.

It was not down when I went inside.

No broken glass anywhere. I tried to get the window up (power windows) and nothing. So visited Holly, then back to the mechanic.

Nearly $300 and a new window regulator later, I have a working passenger window again. (Let's add that on top of the $1,000+ vet bill I'm looking at.)

We went to pick Holly up on Saturday, and when we got there, they brought her out, and while in the kennel she'd licked out two stitches. The vet put in staples to close the gaping wound, put an e-collar on her, and put her back in the kennel. (Which, after the scare we had the other night, where she could have easily bled to death had it happened after we went to bed, was fine with me.)

Then on Monday, the pathology reports came back that the lump was a carcinoma, and the pathologist recommended going back in and taking out more surrounding tissue to make sure it was all removed. So another surgery. And I asked the vet to please keep her there at least until Saturday. I'm seriously wigged out by the possibility of something happening. (The vet literally lives like a block from the clinic and they have people there throughout the night.)

The good thing is that, while this does totally f**k my budget up for the month, I'll have to shuffle some bills around and take my mortgage off the auto-pay plan so they don't make me bounce checks, etc., if this had happened last year, it would have totally crippled us financially. This year, it's a major inconvenience, but it's doable. (Barely.) It means my husband and I went to Goodwill for things like used books for gifts for each other *LOL* but hey, I could give a darn. Seriously. I told him our Christmas gift to each other is Holly's health care. *LOL*

We're blessed. Truly. We have a house we're not in danger of losing (unlike a few years ago when we almost did). We have cars that run. We're both in reasonably good health. Our other dogs are in good health. I've got a good job and while I'm not rich, I'm hoping by the time hubby is set to retire in less than two years that I can replace his income with my writing.

My family is all in relatively good health, we have wonderful friends, and I have the world's best readers. (Excluding the pirate a**holes who share my books on file sharing sites. I wish those jerks would quit reading me, quite frankly.)

My hubby loves Christmas. I mean, he makes Clark Griswald look like an amateur. Seriously. And he LOVES to wrap things. So because we're exceptionally lean this year in the gift department (excluding the few things we'd already bought earlier in the year) he's wrapping EVERYTHING that isn't sitting still. (Watch out, Bubbles. You might be next.) He's the only man I know who re-gifts items...to US. He's creative, I'll give him that.

But I'm at a point now that my son is a teenager, I honestly don't feel a need for "gifts." I'd rather give someone a gift card, or make them a batch of cookies or something, than try to find something they might or might not like or use. That way they can buy what they NEED. And I'm at a point in my life where receiving gifts honestly doesn't matter. Send me a card, or just wish me Merry Christmas. This year, we did a tag off a Christmas tree at the local IHOP and bought some small gifts for a little girl. I also bought food bags at Publix (our local grocery store chain) for their drive to feed the hungry. It's not much, but it's something. And I think I enjoyed doing that more than anything else.

I think we put too much emphasis on the "gifting" aspect of this season. We create stress for ourselves and others, and all we're doing is trying to push the retailers over from the red to the black in their balance sheets. I'm not a Christian, even though I was raised one. To me, this time of year is about reflecting on the past and looking forward to the future, about love and hope and peace, of family and friends. (Not too much different, eh?) It's not about Black Friday sales or last minute 30% off deals.

So while you're going through the craziness of this season, take a moment to step back, take a deep breath, and look at what you have. Even if it's not very much, remember there usually is someone else out there far worse off than you (if you're reading this, at least you have Internet access *LOL*). Wish those others well, and if it's within your ability even to drop a dollar in a kettle somewhere, remember that dollar could mean a lot to someone else even if it doesn't seem like it. A lot of people giving a dollar means a lot of dollars.

In the coming year, I'm bound and determined to declutter this house. I've done well so far, a good start, but I see a lot now that I know I can force myself to part with. I think it'll make me happier in the long run, because it'll mean a more peaceful house.

And that's my big new year's resolution (along with trying to lose thirty pounds *LOL*) is to make my house more peaceful.

Season's Greetings, Merry Yule, Happy Christmas, and have a safe and happy Holidays! )O(

New Cover: "Cardinal's Rule"

Monday, December 14, 2009

I luuurrrrvvv sharing when I get a shiny new book cover! *G*

This is for "Cardinal's Rule" (writing as Tymber Dalton) coming in early 2010 from Captiva Press.

Blurb:

Tilly Cardinal’s world ended when her Master, Cris, abandoned her, disappearing with no explanation other than a short, cryptic note releasing her as his slave. Five years later she’s Mistress Cardinal, a vicious and successful pro Domme charging big bucks to dish out whatever abuse men will pay to take. Materially, she has all she wants. Privately, she’s never felt more alone.

In walks Landry LaCroux, a handsome, rich man with a proposition: he wants Tilly to train his slave. Landry holds the key to Tilly’s past, and her future. She’s shocked to discover Landry’s slave is her very own former Master, Cris.

Unfortunately, Landry has a secret—he has cancer and wants to make Tilly a deal. Marry him and help him through his recovery, and he’ll pay her handsomely for it. As a bonus, she can abuse his slave in whatever way she sees fit to make up for the pain she’s suffered. Love wasn’t supposed to be part of the deal, but as the three of them move in together, can they all find healing and a lasting happiness under Cardinal’s Rule?

Free Story!


I've got a free story available at Captiva Press. "I Now Know Why the Dog Howls at the Moon" (writing as Tymber Dalton), a short little revenge fantasy to savor. (No sex in it, sorry. *LOL*)

http://captivapress.com

Keep an eye out for my book "Cardinal's Rule" (writing as Tymber Dalton) coming from them in early 2010! It's an erotic BDSM romance about what happens when trust is destroyed and the people are forced to pick up the pieces.

Hysterical video about BDSM Dominants

Friday, December 11, 2009
Okay, now, there's nothing graphically explicit in this video, but it IS hysterically funny, and it does contain one bad word. Keep watching past the end to the "outtake." LOL!

Do not drink anything while watching this video! LOL



Open Letter to NY Publishers

Wednesday, December 9, 2009
(The article prompting this letter can be found here.)

Okay, Simon and Schuster and Hachette, seriously, WTF? You are going to delay the release of ebooks for months after hardcover...why?

"...Preserve your industry?" Seriously? Okay, let me explain some basic economics that apparently someone hasn't taken the time to explain to you.

Cheaper books (ebooks) that cost a fraction of the cost to produce and sell (because the cost per unit goes DOWN with each ebook sold, versus print in any format that still has production/shipping costs that remain constant or increase with each copy sold depending on energy and fuel costs) will sell MORE in the long run than any print version simply because you never have to pull them from the shelves. Ever. As long as the Internet still exists, you can sell the things. Your profit margin is higher because, unlike print, you have a one-time production cost involved in editing and file prep, then that's it. No printing, shipping, stocking, transport costs involved. Period. No returns. You can pay the authors a higher royalty percentage and STILL make a higher profit for a lower cost.

So explain to me why moving to a modern business model embracing ebooks isn't happening? You are only delaying the inevitable, and by doing so you are HURTING your authors, cutting your own profit, and alienating a huge and growing group of readers who will take their business elsewhere. Not to mention you're encouraging pirates who will scan and upload copies of the unavailable titles to file sharing sites and people will find those instead of buying the ebook versions. So you're losing money that way too.

Wake. Up. You are driving your businesses toward extinction, and believe me, readers will not jump off the cliff with you.

Guest Blog Appearance!

I'm over at Sia McKye's Thoughts...Over Coffee blog today. I chat about various things like how I started writing BDSM, how I do research on the topic, and why it's all my dogs' fault. *LOL*


Feel free to drop by and leave a comment!

Release Day! - "Safe Harbor"

Monday, December 7, 2009
I love release day! Even if it is on a Monday. *LOL* My latest Tymber Dalton book, "Safe Harbor," is now available from Siren-BookStrand.


This book is a good mix of the BDSM aspects of "The Reluctant Dom," with some of the humor and lighter moments of "Love Slave for Two." I mean, does it get any funnier when a cleptomaniacal miniature Yorkie confiscates a butt plug for a chew toy? (Oh, you want to know more, huh? Well, you 'll just have to read the book. *LOL*)

Behind the scenes tidbits: I got the idea for Bart, Clarisse's miniature Yorkie, from two that I always see in a local business. When I told the woman about my idea and how I used it in the story, she nearly wet her pants laughing and loved it. And the two Greek restaurants mentioned in the book really exist. Also, Ray, Oot, and kitten, three characters that make a brief appearance in this book, also appear in "Love Slave for Two: Beginnings."

This is one of my favorite exchanges from the book. This is between Mac and Clarisse, while she's trying to wrap her head around why Mac enjoys being Sully's slave.

Clarisse shoved that last twinge out of her thoughts. “What if he kicks you out with nothing?”

Mac shrugged. “He could, but he won’t. Legally we have an agreement that if we separate I’ll get certain things.”

“The Dilly?”

“That’s one of them.”

“It doesn’t scare you?”

“Why should it?”

Wrapping her head around the issue wasn’t happening as she hoped it would. She stood and paced the kitchen. “How do you know? How do you know you won’t get screwed? In the bad way,” she added.

“I don’t.”

“So you’re perfectly okay with him having all this control over you? Faced with the very real possibility of having to start over?”

He shrugged. “I can always get a job, go back to school for my master’s degree, something.”

It struck her how little she knew about the men. “You went to college?”

“Yeah. Sully made me take advantage of my GI Bill bennies. I had no interest in going to college. He ordered me to. I enlisted in the Army the week after I graduated from high school, went to boot camp a few weeks later. I had no interest in college.”

“What’s your degree in?”

“Marine biology. Sully said I could pick any major I wanted, but I had to earn a degree in something.” He smirked. “So you see, I’m not some poor, dumb asshole without options. I was offered an internship at Mote Marine. I turned it down despite Sully wanting me to take it.”

“He made you go to school?”

He grinned. “Yeah, how horrible is that? Fuckin’ sadist.”

Clarisse tried to process that. “You’re a marine biologist?”

He lifted an eyebrow. “No. I’m a slave.”

She blinked, trying to make sense of that. “Why would you give up a career to do that?”

“I trust him. This is what I want to do for the rest of my life, to serve him.” He studied her. “Have you ever really trusted anyone?”

She started to answer, then stopped, thinking about it.

Blurb:

[Menage Amour 119: Erotic Ménage a Trois Romance, M/M/F, Contemporary, BDSM, Public Exhibition]

Clarisse seeks refuge from her abusive ex-boyfriend on the Dilly Dally, her uncle's old fishing trawler in Tarpon Springs, Florida. She doesn't expect to find Mac and Sully, the Dilly's sexy new owners, on board making love.

They're at first startled by her appearance, then outraged by the injuries her ex inflicted. They insist she stay with them, and with nowhere else to go, Clarisse agrees.

Both men find themselves falling for Clarisse, but she can't bring herself to completely trust Sully, a former cop, like her ex. She's shocked to discover the men aren't just lovers either, but full-time Master and slave in a BDSM relationship. As she learns more about their history and lifestyle, she uncovers her own hidden desires. When danger from her past returns, can Sully and Mac provide Clarisse a Safe Harbor?

Nano...not.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009
They have graphics for the participants and winners, but does Nanowrimo have logos for those of us who not only missed the mark, but we never started?

I mean, it's not that I didn't have time to write, because that's why I didn't have time to do Nano. Yes, it's ironic. I was too busy writing to...write. I was also editing and doing promo for my next book ("Safe Harbor") and...writing. I've done well over 50k words in the past month, not all on one project, but still respectable. I did over 5k words this past Sunday...which might explain why my arthritis in my hands is really kicking in this morning with this chilly weather, but that's beside the point.

I had such high hopes for myself too. I was going to dig in and participate, had started chatting on boards, and then...well, I'm not turning down a publisher when they offer me a chance to join a project, that's for damn sure. I have to prioritize my time. Getting paid wins, hands down, every time. LOL

So congrats to all you Nano winners and near-winners, because you did better than I did.

Maybe next year I shall join your ranks.